My Sunny Valentine
by Liv Wilder
Summary: AU post-3x15 "The Final Nail." Takes place after Kate goes for a drink with Castle before her dinner with Josh on Valentine's Day.
1. Chapter 1

_A/N: Another photo that reminded me of Beckett, so another story. This one is set after the end of_ 3x15: "The Final Nail." An AU on Valentine's Day after Kate went to a bar for a drink with Castle.

KB: "Are you okay?"

RC: "Yeah, I'm okay.

KB: "Liar."

* * *

 _My Sunny Valentine_

Chapter 1

It was Valentine's Day and Kate Beckett was running late. She answered the door to her boyfriend, Josh, the one (significant) man in her life who didn't have a key to her apartment, wearing a towel, lotion half-smoothed into her arms. Her hair was dried and roughly styled in the casual, beach-effect manner she'd intended, so that was one saving grace, and her makeup was all but finished. However, she was still running late for their Valentine's dinner date, and in bare feet and a towel there was simply no hiding it.

Instead of the sight of his girlfriend this close to naked provoking a seduction scene fit to honor this particular Hallmark holiday, Josh jumped on her lack of readiness as a cue for an argument, specifically when Kate's apology included the name, "Castle," and the surgeon saw a shade of red that had nothing to do with roses.

He entered her apartment, empty handed, leaving the door lying open and headed straight for the fridge to help himself to a bottle of water. "So…let me get this straight. You're late getting ready for our date because you went to a _bar_ with your tagalong? On Valentine's?"

Pretty much, Kate thought, though she kept the actual words to herself. "It was one drink. He wasn't doing so well. I wanted to cheer him up."

"And what about me?" Josh turned to face her, the cap off the bottle, taping his chest before taking a swig of water.

Kate looked him up and down, feeling a little off-kilter as a result of this uncharacteristic outburst. He was a handsome guy, really fit, sexy in that undeniable, empirical way, but her heart wasn't racing as she felt it should. "You look fine to me. Why? Is something wrong?"

The last thing she felt like after the end of their last case was a fight. But the look on her boyfriend's face told her that's exactly what she'd be getting for Valentine's Day this year. She mentally braced herself for what was to come.

Josh's jaw muscles ticked with tension. "You blew off our date for the writer."

Kate rolled her eyes. "I didn't blow off—" She paused and took a breath before she lost her temper. Trying to take things down a notch, she lowered her voice and started over. "Look, Josh, I'm running a little behind. Okay? Because I did something _nice_ for a friend who was having a hard time."

She didn't explain to Josh why Castle was having a hard time. But then there were a lot of things in Kate Beckett's life that Josh Davidson wasn't privy to.

She held up her hand, fingers splayed like a palm leaf to indicate the time and tried to offer him a smile. "Five minutes and I'll be ready. It's no big deal," she added, attempting to placate, to get them back on track.

"No big deal to you maybe," Josh muttered, turning his attention to his phone.

Kate sighed and crossed her arms over her chest. The posture was defensive, but that's exactly how she felt, since she was having to defend her choices when she'd actually done nothing wrong. "Josh, what is this about? I mean _really_ about? You don't like that I spend time with Rick, I get that. It's not exactly news."

"Oh, it's Rick now, is it?"

She rolled her eyes. "Don't be childish. That's his name."

"Yeah, and I'm not likely to forget it. The guy is _never_ not around."

Double negative, Kate thought, chiding herself that this was something Castle would say and now he was inside her head, talking to her when he wasn't even here. That should actually have told her something. Maybe Josh was onto something.

She carried on with her denials while trying to pour a little calm on the situation, which seemed to be spiraling all too quickly tonight.

"Look, we work together. We had a tough case. This one was personal for him so..."

"And that makes it personal for you. Right? Are you seeing a pattern here, Kate?"

"Yes, it makes it personal for me. He's my friend. He's my partner. He's always there for me when—"

"What? When I'm not?" he snapped, a drop of guilt bleeding through. "And where does that leave me?"

Kate frowned. "You're—"

* * *

She was saved from explaining exactly what place Josh held in her life when his cell phone suddenly rang and he turned away without a second thought to answer it, dropping the discussion like a hot brick. Kate shook her head and returned to the bedroom to finish getting dressed.

She slipped into the sexy black jumpsuit she had left hanging on the back of the bedroom door that morning and then she added a pair of strappy heels while Josh took his call. After getting dressed, she applied a little lipstick, touched up the rest of her makeup and fixed her hair, all before he'd even finished talking. Truth be told, she wasn't exactly in the mood for a romantic dinner anymore, but they had made a reservation – or Kate had – and it seemed a shame to waste it when they got so little time together as it was.

She was just coming out of the bedroom with her clutch and a coat thrown over her arm when he ended his phone conversation and hung up. She slowed to a stop by the door at the look on his face. She had been all set to apologize until she saw his expression and realized that he was totally over their fight already, almost as if it had never even happened. But it was forgotten not because she was forgiven or because he had come to realize that the fight had been petty and pointless. It was forgotten because their relationship held a position of such low importance on the totem pole of Josh Davidson's life that he had already moved on to bigger and more interesting things.

"Work?" she asked, guessing right as usual. "You look…excited," she noted when he nodded; eyes dancing with anticipation she knew had nothing to do with her.

He approached her with a smile, the one he used when he needed to get her to excuse him from some plan they'd made. She'd seen it a million times before. It never got any easier.

"Babe, listen—" He reached out to touch her, but she drew out of reach just in time.

Kate shrugged, collapsing in on herself. "It's okay. I get it. You have to go."

"That was Barry. He needs an assist on a tricky valve replacement."

"Tonight?"

"Yeah. Look, I'm sorry I—"

She waved him off, her voice a little strained and brittle, though she did her best to hide that it hurt her: Josh always assuming she'd be fine with his job coming first. She had done the same on occasion - cut out on him when a case came up - so she could hardly criticize. But his changes of plan tended to be on a whole other level, often involving months apart in other time zones on continents halfway around the world.

"Don't. It's fine," she lied.

He let his eyes graze her body for what seemed like the first time since he had arrived. "You look amazing, Kate. It's not fine. But…"

"You need to go. I get it." The muscles in her face felt tight and her jaw ached from holding it together. Josh couldn't be the only one who could do this operation, he wasn't that good, but he had made his choice. "Clearly, there's no one else...to step in," she clarified.

"No, I—"

She cupped a hand to her ear. "Sorry, what was that?"

Josh looked cornered, and reluctant. "I can tell Metzinger no if…" He tailed off, waiting for her to bail him out of having to choose, as usual.

"Don't bother."

"Kate, don't be mad."

She tried not to snap, not to be someone she didn't want to be: a nag, a doormat, the needy girlfriend no man wanted. "I'm not mad. It's just…it's a double standard." She shrugged. "I get caught up at work and you get angry, and yet—"

"You went for a _drink_ with a guy who's clearly in love with you. It's not the same thing."

Kate was so stunned by Josh's accusation and by the jealousy in his voice that she barely heard the next words he uttered. His suggestion was a shock and yet it set her mind racing, her mental P.I. running around looking for proof that what he'd just said might be true.

"Am I excited to do this procedure?" Josh droned on in that impassioned tone she used to admire. "Yes! Barry Metzinger is a leader in his field. And he called _me,_ Kate. He called me _._ "

She dragged her head out of her heart, where it had burrowed itself searching for evidence of Castle's feelings towards her, in order to answer him. "I'm pleased for you. I am. You should go. It's a great opportunity." Her smile was tight, fixed in place.

Suddenly, she couldn't wait for him to leave. That told her a lot. She had to deal with this situation before it dragged on any longer, before they chipped away at a one another with more fights on a recurring theme.

"So…we're good? We can just postpone dinner, right?" Josh said, evidently expecting an easy yes.

He was so clearly excited to do the procedure and he had looked to Kate assuming she'd just give in once more and swallow down her disappointment, make a new plan to do something by herself. Out of habit, she began to nod and then walk away towards the kitchen to pour herself a glass of wine, though in truth she was unhappy that he had made her give way to the lure of his job once more, and tonight of all nights.

But then she stopped and turned back to face him. She pursed her lips and shook her head. "Actually, Josh, I think we've reached the end of the line. We can't keep fighting about how much your job needs you or whether or not I spend time with my partner outside of work. Castle is a big part of my life and—"

"And we're back to him again. Great." Josh let his hand fall to slap against his thigh. He turned away.

Kate stood her ground. "This is not an argument you're ever gonna win."

"So…what are you saying? You two are a package deal now? Date one of you and I'm dating you both?"

"Don't be ridiculous."

"Really? Is it that far fetched? Because from where I'm standing it already feels like there are three of us in this relationship, Kate."

"Yeah, well, from where I'm standing there's just me right now. About to spend Valentine's by myself. Is this my punishment for having a drink with Rick instead of getting ready for you?"

Josh made a sound of dismissal, air hissing out through his teeth, and then he began to pace the floor. "Kate, you knew what you were getting with me. Wasn't that why you chose me in the first place? Our careers always come first. You _know_ that. Hell, I thought you liked that."

Kate crossed her arms and looked at the floor. "Maybe I'm not so sure that's what I want anymore," she admitted.

Josh's features took on the unfamiliar mold of a sneer. "Well, if it's romance you want, the full hearts and flowers treatment, you can always put your lovesick writer out of his misery and go to him instead."

* * *

Meanwhile, out in the hallway, Kate's little old neighbor lady stood watching people come and go while she leaned on her walker by her front door. "Those were the days," she said, waving a bony hand in the direction of Kate's apartment as sound drifted out into the hallway. "I remember my pops chasing them off with a stick," she told Castle, who was standing outside with her trying not to listen to the fight.

After a beat, she nudged Castle. "I always preferred you anyway," she whispered, giving him a surprisingly saucy wink.

Castle had overheard everything that had been said since Josh ended his phone call, after he came upon the open-door scene. He was just debating whether leaving might not be the best option when the surgeon barged his way out through the open door and caught him loitering out in the hallway along with Kate's elderly neighbor.

Josh paused to glare at the writer. But his face turned a darker shade when he saw the bouquet of flowers Castle was cradling and he scoffed.

"She's all yours," he told Kate's partner, muttering some insult before turning back to yell into the apartment, "Kate, your date's here."

Only she didn't hear him.

* * *

Kate was in the bedroom, slumped on the corner of her bed, her back to the open door. Her night was ruined, she'd broken up with her boyfriend on Valentine's, which felt like some dreadful rom com cliché, although it hurt a lot less than she would have anticipated, and now she was all dressed up with nowhere to go.

She sat quietly for a minute, toying with the row of gold bracelets on her wrist, wondering whether or not to call Lanie, when she heard the sound of footsteps approaching. She straightened up and then spoke out, assuming that Josh had come back to apologize and beg for another chance.

"Look, Josh," she sighed, all the fight drained out of her, "I'm done arguing. Go, do your job, be the brilliant surgeon we both know you are. But above all, be happy."

"And what about you?" asked a deep, concerned voice.

Kate stiffened and then whirled round. " _Castle!_ "

"Hey, Beckett."

Castle lounged against the doorjamb, the eighty-dollar floral bouquet dangling from one hand.

Her cheeks burned. "How…how long have you been…"

"Long enough."

Kate closed her eyes. "What does that mean?"

"Your front door was open…so…" He shrugged and then he presented her with the bouquet of flowers. "Happy Valentine's Day?"

Kate did not miss the question in his voice or the uncertainty on his face. She accepted the bouquet, dutifully sniffed the fabulous arrangement of flowers and then carefully laid it on the bed beside her.

"They're just a thank you I had planned to leave on your doorstep," Castle explained.

Her head was in her hands, her voice muffled. "Castle, can I just—"

"Beckett, forget it. My timing sucked. I didn't think you'd be home or I wouldn't have…" He shrugged, hands stuffed deep into the pockets of his pants.

She turned to look at him. "Thank you. You're too kind."

"Don't think anyone's ever accused me of that before," he laughed. "But I'll take it. Since it came from you. I prefer "too kind" over Dr. Motorcycle Boy's "lame" any day."

"I'm sorry you had to listen to that. Thank you, again, for the beautiful flowers. There was no need."

Castle shrugged as if the thoughtful gesture was nothing. "I just wanted to say thank you for earlier. For the drink."

She frowned. "Thank me? You paid."

"For your time then. For thinking of me."

It hurt her that Castle would value so highly a simple drink in a scruffy bar squeezed in on the way home from a case. But it also pleased her, too, that he appreciated her and considered her in a way that Josh apparently had not.

"I had fun. I…I enjoy your company," she admitted.

Castle liked her use of the present tense, hoping that implied she might be prepared to enjoy his company again sometime.

"When you're not being a snoop," she added, trying to make them both laugh.

Castle grinned and nodded. "Noted."

* * *

Silence crackled. Castle took the quiet moment to look around Kate's bedroom, which was feminine without being overly pretty. The timing was bad, but then better be here now than never, he reasoned. He looked over at her. She was wearing the sexiest black jumpsuit he'd ever seen and heels. The broad straps crossed over her bare back, exposing a lot of skin. He wanted to touch her. Her skin was so smooth, her shoulder blades like wings. He was turning into a sap, which he'd blame on Valentine's Day, but he felt the drive to touch her more keenly now than he ever had in the past. Maybe there was something about knowing she was single that had green-lit his brain. Whatever it was, it made him brave.

He rubbed a hand over his mouth and dove in. "Look…I know this is kind of awkward…"

Kate's eyebrows shot skyward. "Kind of?"

"Majorly then. But since you're all dressed up. Would you let me take you out to dinner? Unless…if you're not in the mood, I totally understand."

He ran at the subject courageously and then made a hasty retreat, offering her space and a way out if she needed it.

Kate squared her shoulders. "That wasn't a drown your sorrows in red wine and overdose on chocolate breakup you overheard."

Castle feigned innocence. "Me…I overheard nothing."

"Rick," she chided.

"Sorry. You were saying?"

"That was…it was long overdue, actually. It wasn't working. Hasn't been for a while."

"Oh?" Castle felt the urge to prompt for more information, though he tried to hide his enthusiasm for the subject as much as he could.

"I thought I wanted fun and uncomplicated. But…"

"Change of heart?" Castle fought to keep the surge of excitement out of his voice.

"I don't know. Maybe I'm getting too old for fun and uncomplicated."

"You're never too old for fun."

Kate raised her eyebrows. Her expression was serious.

"So…then what do you want?" the writer asked, his pulse thrumming with vain hope.

Kate bit her lip. "Someone…considerate, thoughtful. I'm not saying they have to put my needs first all the time, but just once in a while…"

"It would be nice?" Castle finished for her.

She nodded and Castle nodded too, as if this was something he'd seldom experienced in a relationship either.

"You wouldn't feel…trapped by something like that?" he asked, tentatively. "Sounds like it would have to be a two-way thing…for it to work, I mean."

"I can be considerate and thoughtful." She sounded defensive, as if he had just rebuked her.

"But do you want to be?" he pressed, unaccountably emboldened by the fact that she hadn't changed the subject or shut him down like she usually would.

"For the right person, absolutely." Her eyes slid up to his face.

"Ah." He nodded, sagely, trying not to show too much.

"What? What does that mean?" Her face colored and her lashes flickered. The man was just too adept at figuring her out.

"There are conditions. Rules. One foot out the—"

Kate shook her head. "No! Not if it was with the right person."

"Okay. Understood," Castle said, both of them privately wondering just how theoretical this conversation actually was.

Since she hadn't shot him down or thrown him out for eavesdropping on her breakup with the surgeon, he decided to take one more risk. "So…not that you need cheering up, but would you let me take you to dinner? It would be a shame to see that outfit go to waste."

Kate ducked her head to hide a smile and then she lightly fingered the decorative paper wrapping the bouquet of flowers. "Let me put these in water. And then…yes, why not. I think we both deserve to have a date on Valentine's Day, don't you?"

She got up off the bed and headed for the kitchen, brushing Castle's chest with her bare shoulder as she passed with the flowers in the crook of her arm, while he stood rooted to the spot in her bedroom doorway, wide-eyed.

Finally, he came to his senses. "Did…did you just say _date_?" he gasped, hurrying after her.

* * *

 _So, there was no date at the end of my last story, "Always The Bridesmaid," but there will be in this one. Thank you for reading._


	2. Chapter 2

_A/N: Thank you so much for the response to chapter one!_

 _Just wanted to give a shout out to the guest reviewer who described the writing in Ch1 as "juvenile." In the words of the great Stana Katic, "...when someone accuses you of being 'childish', I think you should take it as a compliment." Since juvenile and childish make good bedfellows, I'm going to take your critique as a compliment, my friend. Oh, and thank you for the kisses too. You really are the smiling assassin. What a love. xxx_

* * *

My Sunny Valentine

Chapter 2

"Josh won't mind us taking the reservation?" Castle asked, mentally kicking himself a heart beat later for bringing the guy up at all. What was wrong with him? That question was moronic on so many levels.

They were walking to a restaurant in Kate's neighborhood that the writer had never been to before. That in itself felt odd. He was used to being in control of the arrangements for…whatever this was.

" _I_ made the reservation," Kate clarified, missing the moment Castle's eyebrows shot up because her focus was trained directly in front of her, on the crumbling asphalt, trying to find the safest spots to navigate the darkened sidewalk in heels. "Call it break-up spoils," she added jokingly, in an effort to be brave, though in truth it wasn't that hard.

No flowers, no card, no other gift that he could see, and the guy expected Kate to organize dinner for them on Valentine's Day? She was well rid of him.

"Don't say it," Kate muttered quietly when Castle made no audible comment.

"Say what?"

"I can hear you thinking, Castle," she scolded.

"Okay, so what exactly am I thinking, Kate Beckett Mistress of Mind Reading?"

Kate shook her head, unwilling to play the game.

"You're right." He kicked a stone and sent it bouncing across the sidewalk. "I wasn't thinking nice thoughts," Castle admitted. "Well, about he whose name we shall no longer mention. _You…_ "

He caught himself just in time, avoiding telling her a bunch of clichés about how she deserved better and that she was well rid of the guy if he took her for granted. Castle would treat her like a princess, afforded the chance. Not that she'd let him, but he'd give his right arm to be able to try.

"Me what?" Kate asked, her attention alerted by the sudden drop off in conversation.

"Never mind. Maybe a couple of glasses of wine and I'll tell you."

"Sounds intriguing. Maybe we should get a bottle."

They turned to one another at that moment and shared a grin, their eyes dancing over each other's faces, both delighted by her idea. It felt like a first date grin, not a pit stop at Remy's or a late snack from the comfort food truck. Castle hunched his shoulders to stop himself from reaching out to her, wondering how he'd landed so lucky after such a shitty few days.

* * *

The February breeze was sharp. It tugged at the ends of her hair, and Kate pulled her collar up around her neck to screen it out. Castle had helped her on with her coat back in her apartment. He had grazed her bare skin with his knuckles as he eased it over her shoulders just as he had fantasized about doing, feeling an acute sense of loss the moment her body was hidden beneath the drape of red wool.

"And here we are," Kate informed him, as she slowed and steered them towards a nondescript doorway hidden beneath a dusty, oxblood awning.

"Here we are where, exactly?" Castle asked, for there was no sign on the wall outside, no number, name or symbol.

"Follow me in and you'll see," Kate teased, before pushing open a door that evidently led straight down into a basement.

When she felt Castle hesitate behind her, Kate turned back to check on him. Her face took on an amused expression when she imagined she saw his eyes betray some trepidation or reluctance. In fact, what he was really experiencing was surprise and a lick of delight at this other, more playful and generous side to Kate Beckett that he was getting the privilege of seeing twice in one day.

She flirted and he lapped it up. "What's the matter, Castle? Don't you trust me?"

"I think you already know the answer to that question, Detective. Lead the way."

With his hand on her back and the way he looked at her and they way he said it, or didn't exactly - that he trusted her and she should know that by now - it sent a shiver of visceral excitement racing up Kate's spine. It was the smallest moment but it felt weighted with significance, layered with an intimacy they'd been sharing for a while and yet were only just waking up to. How could she have been so blind? It felt like emerging from a coma or a long, hazy slumber.

* * *

The restaurant was a paean to crimson and a shrine to romance. You could practically feel the heat emanating from every soft or hard surface, all bathed in shades of red. It was as if they had stepped right into the chambers of a beating heart. Even the background brush of a jazz rhythm added to the effect, and while it perfectly suited Valentine's Day, the heart analogy Castle's brain had helpfully handed him had the writer thinking about the cardiac surgeon again - the man who was supposed to accompany Kate to dinner tonight - and his excitement was tempered by that reality. He was the stand-in, the backup guy, Johnny-Come-Lately.

Ever the canny detective, Kate picked up on this shift in her partner's mood, though she waited until they were seated to bring it up.

"So…what's eating you, Castle?"

He pretended to bury his head in the menu, and then eagerly engaged their server when she suggested getting them started with drinks. He asked numerous questions when the girl began to describe that day's specials, his tactics tissue-thin. But Kate wasn't going to let it go. She waited for a quiet moment, and then she lightly kicked his foot with her spiked heel to get his attention.

From the way Castle's eyes rose to meet hers, like an untethered balloon slowly lifting above the horizon, she knew that he was still thinking about whatever it was that had seized him when they had first entered the little basement bistro.

"Hmm?" he muttered lightly, forcing the connection between them to break when he snapped his gaze back down to the safe space of his menu.

Kate shook her head a little. "Nothing. Just…you seem…I don't know…" She paused to look around the room, to try and see this place as Castle might see it: for the first time. "Distracted? I'm not even sure that's the right word."

The place was gorgeous, romantic. The overused description - a jewel box – popped into his head. But that's exactly what it was. And he was here with her, with Kate, on Valentine's Day of all days, after she had broken up with her boyfriend all but an hour ago. These parts formed a sum that was a little more than overwhelming if you were the guy with the unrequited hope that one day…and then one day suddenly arrived in your lap when you were least expecting it and you weren't even wearing your fifth best shirt.

How to explain all of that and not send Kate Beckett running right back up those stairs?

"I'm…I'm sorry. It's— Ignore me. It's fine," he told her, mumbling out a train of disjointed words while this random collection of thoughts packed his brain like an overstuffed Metro-North at rush hour.

"Is it me?"

He had barely managed to drag his focus back to the task of selecting an entrée when he registered her question. Issued in the smallest incarnation of Kate Beckett's voice that he thought he had ever heard, it skewered him out of the blue. This was not the ballsy detective who could knock a gangbanger or a drug lord on his ass in the box with her razor sharp interrogation skills and steely stare. It wasn't the harried, irritated partner he had come to know and respect, who wouldn't take his shit or put up with his stunts, and it wasn't even the woman he hoped he could describe as his friend this deep into the game. It was Katie, perhaps, talking to her mother or seeking advice from her father. It was charming and disarming and so soft that it threatened to pull truths from him he didn't think either of them were ready to hear.

"You? No. No." He frowned, horrified if he had made her feel less than special tonight, and all because he was getting a little maudlin over her past history with Dr. Motorcycle Boy. He had no right, he knew, to feel jealous or aggrieved at all, after the parade of women he had trawled through her place of work.

She touched his forearm lightly and immediately withdrew her hand. "Sure you're okay? I mean…if this is too weird for you?"

* * *

No sooner had she asked the question when the manager - an elegant, exceedingly skinny woman in a long, velvet sheath of a dress - appeared at their table and proceeded to greet Kate with a kiss on each cheek. Castle watched the scene with interest. The Beckett he knew wasn't a hugger or a big air kisser, he was pretty sure. But then he was seeing all sorts of sides to her today that he'd never witnessed before.

"No Josh tonight?" the anorexic It-girl asked, seemingly oblivious to Castle's presence at the table or his pair of functioning ears.

Kate looked uncomfortable, mostly on his behalf, he suspected. She smiled stiffly and shook her head. "Kelly, I'd like you to meet my partner, Rick," she said with a growing pride. The smile she smiled then was just for him and it sparked like fire.

The hostess turned to Castle as if registering his presence for the first time, though if she was any good at her job in this city, Castle knew that could not be true. She faintly bowed her head. But her courtesy was forced, her eyes devoid of any warmth.

He stuck out his hand anyway; keen to get the introductions over with so that they could get back to enjoying a Josh-free evening.

"Rick Castle. Pleasure, Kelly," he said, shaking her hand and offering a cool, professional smile of his own. It was the smile he kept in reserve for the suits who ringed the conference table at Gina's bi-annual Black Pawn meetings. It was grown-up, sober, moneyed, shrewd, and it had Kate looking across the table at him as if she'd never seen him before. Touché! It seemed they could still surprise one another after all this time.

Kelly drifted off to work the other tables and Castle was glad to see the bony backside of her.

"What's the matter, Castle? Not a fan?" Kate muttered, her eyes sparkling with amusement and, perhaps, some relief.

"I think maybe it's the other way round," he admitted, letting her see how little it bothered him.

Kate watched the hostess approach another couple. She laid her hand on the bicep of the male customer and squeezed, batting false lashes for attention. "Kelly had a thing for Josh," she explained, watching her flirt with the man while his wife looked on, trying not to care.

Castle said nothing.

"He didn't exactly discourage it," she added, letting a sigh slip out.

Her eyes were blank, face expressionless as she made this confession, though her voice sounded a little sad. Castle felt his blood pressure begin to rise.

"And you chose here for Valentine's?" he couldn't help pointing out, puzzled why she'd put herself in that position on the (supposed) most romantic night of the year.

Kate half-shrugged and toyed with the tines on her fork. She didn't look at him. She didn't dare. Her cheeks appeared to take on a warmer hue. Although given the womblike decor, he couldn't swear to that in a court of law.

"This was his favorite restaurant," she said simply.

Castle processed this information, weighing up what to do for the best. After a moment, he leaned in close and quietly asked her if she wanted to leave.

Kate reached for his hand and squeezed, shaking her head. "Maybe I'm laying an old ghost to rest," she speculated, as her eyes tracked the flirtatious hostess, who was hip-snapping her way between the tables to toy with her next prey. "Besides, the food is always good. And now the company is…even better. Will you choose the wine?" she asked breezily, glancing back down at her menu. And just like that the sadness was gone.

Castle paused, his mouth stuffed with words, so many things he wanted to say. But one look at her face and he let it drop. He'd assume the role she wanted him to adopt and hope it wasn't a temporary thing. He wasn't sure who needed tonight more – Kate or himself – but maybe there was a way they could both profit after their recent run of misfortunes.

"Wine or champagne?" he asked in an equally breezy tone, eyes cast down to scan the wine list in anticipation of her reply, as if they did this all the time.

* * *

 _Thank you for reading. TBC..._


	3. Chapter 3

My Sunny Valentine

Chapter 3

Whenever she laughed, Castle felt his spirits lift, excitement popping like champagne bubbles rising from the bottom of a glass. And she laughed a lot. It was dumb and it was melodramatic, he'd heard her laugh plenty of times before, but that was exactly how he felt: jubilant, ecstatic, triumphant tonight. His jokes came out sounding funnier and she bounced off his skill, throwing zingers of her own that had other guests staring in envy at their table, greedy not for their food but for the great night they were having.

No silent plod through dinner for them with nothing left to say. They spent more time in each other's company than a lot of married couples Castle knew, and yet they still had it – a freshness, a gaiety, a curiosity and a bottomless pit of topics on which to exchange views, to argue, tease, hash out, flirt and debate.

"People are staring," Kate murmured at one point, halfway through their entrees. She dabbed her lips, concealing her comment behind the folds of her napkin.

"You looked in the mirror before you left tonight, right?" Castle asked, allowing himself a moment to let his eyes softly graze the honeyed warmth of her shoulders and then slide down the bare length of her arms. "Because that jumpsuit, Beckett, I gotta tell you…" He let his eyes widen and raised his eyebrows.

"Castle," she groaned, and he watched in fascination as her lashes flickered hard and fast. She buried her face in her hands for a second and then she peered out at him through her fingers.

"What? Too much?"

Slowly, she shook her head, smiling. "Thank you," she said, ducking it a little, letting her unruly, beachy hair fall over her face. It was a coy move for her, oh but he liked it. She'd let go of the reins, let go the rules that kept them at arm's length from one another, no longer so careful over their boundaries, for tonight at least.

"You look great, Beckett."

He sold them both short with that remark, but he wasn't sure he could get away with much more. Inside, he felt that he should talk about how she turned heads, always, explain it to her in case she was unaware, though he knew there was no way she could be. He wanted to describe how she looked impossibly taller in that sexy black jumpsuit, with legs that ran to the ends of the earth. He wanted to discuss her high heels in fetishist detail, and laud her bare shoulders and the jewelry on her wrists that he'd never seen before.

"Castle, you're staring," she whispered, and he realized that he was.

"Sorry. You—" He shook his head to break the spell if he could, cleared his throat and drank some water. She had made him flustered. That had to be a sign. Few women in his life had ever made him flustered. Kate Beckett had been doing it for the longest time, and, mostly, without even trying.

"You okay over there, partner?"

"Yeah. I'm good. I think I'll just pay a visit to the little boys' room, if you'll excuse me."

She smirked as he got up to leave the table, so evidently hot and bothered. Tit for tat. Her wickedness deserved a little payback, so he passed behind her chair, allowing his fingers to trail the top of her arm and across her bare shoulders until he saw goosebumps rise on the surface of her skin and he smiled in satisfaction.

"Be good while I'm gone," he leaned down to whisper in her ear. Inwardly, he fist bumped when he saw her shiver.

* * *

The men's restroom was empty and Castle headed to the middle of three urinals. A moment later, he heard the door open and close behind him, feet moving into the room.

"Would you jump in my grave so fast?"

Castle stilled at the familiar voice, then he zipped his pants, flushed the urinal and moved to the basin to wash his hands. Josh was standing by the door, his hands stuffed into the pockets of a leather biker jacket.

"I thought you had a life to save?" he asked over the noise of the hand dryer, trying to sound casual.

"Guy had high blood pressure. Surgery was postponed. And then what do you know…who do I find wining and dining my girlfriend at our favorite neighborhood bistro?"

"First of all, I think Kate already made it clear that she's not your girlfriend anymore."

"And whose fault is that?" Josh asked, glaring darkly at the writer.

Castle ignored the dig. "Second of all, _she_ brought me here. This was her idea. Can't say it's the best idea she ever had," he muttered to himself, "but she was all dressed up and she deserved a night out and it's kind of hard to get a last minute table on Valentine's. You know, after a guy blows his girl off for work."

The cardiac surgeon remained near the door, blocking Castle's exit from the bathroom. "I had a life to save."

Castle's anger got the better of him. "She deserved better than that. You're not the only cardiac surgeon in New York, Josh."

"And I thought you were the guy who knew a guy," he scoffed. "What's the matter? Couldn't get a reservation at Cipriani? Lost your pull around town?"

Castle drew himself up to his full height. He knew Kate would freak if there was a scuffle, so he tried to calm things down. "Look, we've both been drinking. Leave Kate to enjoy her evening. She's like you. She works hard…long hours. Not a lot of room for glamour in her world. So…be a standup guy and don't make a scene."

Josh leaned against the wall, evidently not done talking. "Exactly! She's like _me,_ " he said, jabbing his own chest. "Not like you, pal," he muttered, poking Castle in the shoulder. "You with your two thousand dollar a plate dinners, your playboy lifestyle and a string of women to choose from. So what is it? She a challenge to you? The one woman who wouldn't fall for your flash car and your cheesy chat up lines? Is that it?"

Castle stood his ground and took what was coming without complaint. The guy was clearly hurting and drunk. He would be hurting too if he'd just let Kate Beckett slip through his fingers because he had neglected her.

"So what happens when you get what you want? Hmm?" Josh pushed on harder, using his height to loom over Castle. "You guys are all the same. See something shiny and new and you want it. Once you get it, you get bored…move on to the next new plaything."

Castle frowned; his expression and his tone were disdainful. "Do you even _know_ Kate at all? Do you?"

He moved to pass Josh, expecting some resistance but hoping the guy might let it drop. He wanted out of here before Kate saw her ex in this state and things kicked off.

"I know her better than you ever will," the surgeon growled at his back.

"I think that's debatable," Castle muttered, finally opening the restroom door and entering back out into the warm plush of the restaurant.

* * *

"Everything okay?" Kate asked, as he was seated and shook his napkin out into his lap again.

"All good." He wasn't actually lying to her because he did feel good having gotten so many things off his chest. "How're we doing?" he asked, checking the level of their wine glasses. "You want dessert?"

"You were gone awhile." Typical Kate: too astute to let it drop.

"Miss me?" he teased to deflect, beaming when she shyly nodded her head.

"You're good company, Castle. Like I said earlier. When you're not misbehaving."

"Well, I'm not misbehaving tonight. And you are excellent company, too."

Kate wiped her mouth with her napkin, sensing something was amiss but unable to put her finger on it. "I think I'm too full for dessert. But how about coffee? We could walk for a bit…I have that dark roast you like back at my apartment."

While his heart had sunk when she suggested coffee, it soared when he realized that she didn't mean here. "Are you asking me up for coffee, Detective?"

On the periphery of Castle's vision, he saw Josh exit the men's room and make his way, unsteadily, back towards the little corner bar where, coincidence of coincidences, Kelly, the hostess with the mostess, was waiting for him. She had a fresh drink already cued up. Castle wondered if Kelly was the one who'd called Josh and asked him over to the restaurant, maybe hoping to stir up a little drama or to bag the guy for herself while he was still in rebound territory.

"Would you _like_ to come up for coffee?"

He snapped his attention back to Kate. "I'm happy to take whatever is on offer."

Kate's eyebrows arced and she had to stifle a laugh.

"Hey, I didn't mean that," Castle scolded. "Women," he muttered with amusement as he shook his head, delighted to see her laughing once more.

"Can't live with them. Can't live without them, right?" Kate added for good measure.

"Don't want to."

She picked up her purse to touch up her lipstick, distracted. "Don't want to what?"

He batted his hand away and toyed with his glass, quickly draining the last of his wine. "Nothing. It's just the wine talking. Ignore me."

Finally, the penny dropped. " _Oh,_ " Kate nodded, her cheeks flushing when she realized what he was saying.

"I'm sorry. Like I said, Kate, ignore me."

"Don't be. No. Don't say that you're sorry," she rushed to add. "It's the same. For me. I don't want to either."

The restaurant melted into the background as they took a quiet moment, amidst the crowd of celebrating diners, just to look at one another, neither speaking nor shying away from their shared connection this time. The tension between them felt heightened and overwhelmingly erotic.

"Shall we get out of here?" Castle finally asked.

Kate leapt at the chance. "Good idea. Ghost well and truly laid to rest. Can't say I'll be rushing back anytime soon."

* * *

Castle quickly paid the bill and then he managed to signal for their coats from their pretty server before Kelly could tear herself away from flirting with Josh to bid them goodnight. With his arm around Kate, Castle managed to screen her from the bar area on the way out, preventing her from spotting the doctor, who sat, elbows propped, his glowering face hovering over a glass of cognac.

Once they got back up into the street, Castle let his arm slip from her back, putting a couple of inches space between them. They walked for half a block in silence.

"I saw him, you know," Kate admitted, poking him in the side with her elbow.

"Who?"

"Rick, stop," she laughed, reaching out for his arm. "You know who. I saw Josh in the bar. Josh with Kelly, actually. That didn't take long."

Castle was reminded of Josh's remark in the restroom: _Would you jump in my grave so fast?_

"Jealous?" he asked, clearing his throat because it was so obvious from the catch in his voice that he cared too much about her answer.

She slipped her arm into his and pulled him into her side. "Not in the slightest. I feel…lighter. Like this huge weight has been lifted. I feel like I was doing something wrong, something shameful, and then I finally fessed up. Does that make sense?"

"Good. Too many things get left unsaid until it's too late," Castle added, somewhat cryptically.

They stopped at a crossing. "Kind of reminds me."

"Oh, yeah?"

"We need to talk," Kate offered out of the blue.

"Talk? About?"

"Being single."

" _Okay._ "

"On Valentine's. Why are we both still single, Castle?"

She was whining and it was adorable, since she was most definitely not a whiner. He guessed the wine was speaking for her a little now too, although he did like what it was saying.

"I don't actually consider myself to be single," he volunteered.

"Oh? You have some secret mistress I know nothing about?" She was joking, but he could feel her fingers contracting round his arm, possessively, he hoped.

"It is kind of a secret." Kate stopped walking, forcing Castle to halt beside her. "And kind of not."

"I don't think I'm in any state to figure out a riddle right now, Castle. What are you saying?"

He eased his arm out from hers and her face fell. But then he turned to her and laid his large hands on her shoulders. He took hold of the lapels of her red wool coat, tugging on them a little so that she swayed towards him. Then he leaned in and rested his forehead against hers, so close that her breath bathed him in warm air and her features grew fuzzy.

"Tonight is not the time. I just wanted you to know that…that I don't consider myself to be single anymore. That's all," he explained, leaving her to make of that what she would.

He eased back a little to examine her eyes, which were full to the brim, and then he leaned in again to press a soft kiss to her cheekbone.

"Come on," he said, tugging on her hand to get them moving again. "It's too cold to hang out here. Let's get you home."

* * *

 _Thank you for staying with me, if you're still out there reading._


	4. Chapter 4

_A/N: Thank you for your continued support. Apologies for the delay in updating. I've been suffering from daily headaches lately that only stop when I go to sleep at night. As a consequence, writing's not been happening much since I've had to spend a lot of time away from my laptop. :(_

* * *

My Sunny Valentine

Chapter 4

He walked her home with a heart that was both heavy and light. Light that they finally seemed to be making some progress on finding a way to be more honest with one another, but also heavy because he knew that the timing was off.

Way off.

The corpse of her relationship with Josh wasn't even cold, time of death but a few hours ago. She'd need time to process, maybe even to mourn the good bits of what they'd had together, he didn't know. He'd never been privy to much that went on between the doctor and the detective, and he didn't want to plumb those depths in any case. Being a bystander all that time, a casual witness to their entanglement, that had been more than enough for him. The glimpses he'd seen of her softer side when she was with this educated man had sliced at him like a razor every time. But he hated most the way the surgeon had diminished Kate with his own sense of God like importance. She would never have allowed Castle to mistreat her persona or her life like that. This double standard made him question why. None of his answers came out sounding good, least of all for him. In fact, they made him queasy.

Chief among his wonderings was why she'd let the surgeon in when Castle was held at arm's length from the most intimate areas of her life. Had he been capable of objectivity, he would have realized that he had access to her mind but not her body. With Josh it was the other way round. Castle was just too close to the issue to recognize that for Kate this mental intimacy was arguably more important, more intimate. Her mind, her thoughts, her mother's case, these were the most secret parts of herself, and she had chosen to share it with Castle. No one else.

* * *

Eventually, they arrived at her building just as his mental debate had reached a fever pitch. To go up or not, the yes and no of it, the whys and wherefores rattling around his brain like a pinball machine. Temptation weighed against what was right felt like a mental tug of war. His mind was exhausted.

Richard Castle was not a man prone to indecent haste in situations like these. Despite the impetuousness that often bubbled to the surface and cast him in a less than favorable light when his enthusiasm for a case got the better of him and he broke Beckett's expansive list of rules, he had a firm grip on himself when it was this important. Tonight, he let his grown-up side have control. He had the utmost respect for Kate, and would take advantage of her under no conceivable circumstance.

"Castle?" She turned with her keys dangling from her fingers when he hovered outside her building's security door, making no indication that he intended to follow her in.

His hands were stuffed deep inside his coat pockets, all the better to stop himself from reaching for her. Or so he told himself. But still that urge was there. He toed the sidewalk marking time, his breathing shallow, nerves tightening his chest. Would she ever forgive him for this? Would she see his side and understand? Would she thank him in the long run? He seriously doubted it.

"So…that was a really nice night. Best Valentine's dinner I've had in a long time." He smiled his lopsided grin, but even to himself it felt lacking in energy and conviction.

"You're not coming up," she said, not a question but a simple statement of fact.

Castle shook his head. "I should go home, and you should…relax…get some sleep."

"Is it Damian?" she asked, referring to the case they had just closed, a too-close-to-home case that had culminated in the downfall of his old school friend and one-time hero, Damian Westlake.

Castle could easily have lied and got himself out of this hole in good shape. It was almost as if she was intentionally offering him an elegant path to freedom. But life was messy, and if they were ever going to make a go of things in future, he couldn't begin it on a lie. "No. No, it's not Damian," he admitted, risking a glance at her face, which bore a concerned and curious expression.

"Then…you're tired? It has been a long day."

He nodded in agreement. Now was not the time, he reminded himself again. "Goodnight, Kate," he said, reaching out to squeeze her shoulder. "Until tomorrow."

Her forehead was wrinkled into a frown, a frown that he had put there. That was one of the last things he recalled as he raised his arm to hail a cab for the rest of the journey home. That and her heels, how the straps of her patent sandals caught the light beneath the lightweight crepe of her black jumpsuit when he slammed the taxi door and saw her still standing there in the cold, watching him depart. She raised her hand and offered a bewildered looking wave as his guts clenched tight as his fists, and he struggled against a wave of disappointment-induced nausea. He was no longer single. He had made that clear. But he couldn't afford to be someone's rebound guy. Not even for Kate Beckett could he risk what might come of playing that role. But dammit it was hard being a grown-up.

* * *

Castle was lounging in his chair the following morning, a folded newspaper open in his lap, when Kate appeared from Montgomery's office with her black leather folder tucked under her arm. His own coffee was drained down to the dregs. Her to-go cup still sat in the cardboard holder on her desk for warmth, placed at a safe distance from both her keyboard and cell phone.

"Can I talk to you for a second?"

Caught off-guard by her sudden appearance, he sat up straight, carefully placing his newspaper on her desk to give her his full attention. "Sure. What's up?" He kept his tone light and breezy anticipating that she'd want to do the same.

"What did you say to Josh last night?"

Okay, so she was getting straight down to business. Last night would not be treated like some mythical horned beast after all.

He cocked his head to one side. "How did you even know that I—"

"He showed up at my apartment this morning." Her delivery was flat, without inflection, and so it gave nothing but the facts away. Neither did her closed expression.

"Oh." Castle battled to keep the flare of jealousy and panic he felt inside from showing on his face.

"Mm," she murmured, this time more judgmental. "Hoping to apologize, apparently. He seemed…" she paused and then plunged, "… _surprised_ that you weren't there, too, for some reason."

Earnestly, Castle leaned in. "Well, that's not because of anything I said," he rushed to assure her. "If he came up with that all by himself, he's got a better imagination than I ever gave him credit for."

Kate eyed him dubiously. "Look, I'm not lying," he insisted, before leaning back in his chair out of the firing line.

She didn't even blink, much less blush, when she said, "I know you're not lying. I'm just wondering why you think it would take such a leap of imagination to believe that you might have spent the night at my apartment."

The bullpen had that early morning buzz about it, phones rang and people put a little extra into their work at the start of a new shift fueled by fresh cups of coffee, bagels and Pop Tarts. But it might as well have been the reading room at New York Public Library for all the distraction Castle and Beckett were aware of. He stared at her and she stared right back for once, the challenged and the challenger.

At length, Castle broke the deadlock and spoke, quickly and quietly so that only Kate could hear.

"Why do you think I left last night? It wasn't because I wanted to."

"Then why did you?" She seemed imploring, confused and surprisingly frustrated. Maybe even hurt.

"Because it was the right thing to do. Clearly, you're not over the guy."

Kate huffed loudly and sank back in her chair, bouncing hard against the mechanism as she crossed her arms over her chest. She looked off to the side in disgust and then turned back to face him with a new strain of fury on her face. "Not _over_ the guy?"

"Yeah." Castle held his ground, kamikaze style, shoulders squared, chest puffed out, his chin tilted upward as if daring her to take a shot.

"So…all that stuff about you not being single anymore, that was just…"

"Totally true. For me. But, Beckett, I can't speak for you."

"I'm not asking you to speak for me. I'm asking you to…"

Castle watched her eyes suddenly flicker in the direction of Montgomery's office and then further down the hallway towards the interrogation rooms where there was a sudden burst of sound and movement. It felt like time was running out.

"You're asking me to what?" he pressed, before some crazy interruption befell them again.

She refocused on his face. "I'm asking you to…to trust me. You said you trusted me."

"I do."

"Then why won't you believe me when I tell you that—"

" _Yo!_ Castle."

Kate slumped in her chair and closed her eyes.

"Settle an argument for us, would you?" Ryan asked, arriving hot on Esposito's heels.

The boys jockeyed around them like first graders in a lunch line but Castle's gaze remained locked on Beckett's face for as long as it took for her to lean in and mutter, "We're not done here. Understand?"

Then she got up out of her chair, picked up her coffee cup and headed off to the break room with a loud hiss of annoyance.

"What's the matter, boys?" Castle asked, without any of his usual enthusiasm.

"What's up with mama bear?" Esposito wondered, jerking his head in Beckett's direction.

"Nothing like what's gonna be up with you if she ever hears you calling her that, dude," Ryan warned his partner with a playful punch to his biceps.

But Esposito ignored him, since he was still one hundred percent focused on Beckett. "Don't tell me that schmuck Davidson cut out on her again last night?"

"On Valentine's? No way," Ryan chipped in.

One look at Castle's face told them that that was indeed the case.

" _Man!_ " growled Esposito, slapping a file down onto the desk. "That guy needs to start treating her right or we need to go down to that hospital and threaten his precious little surgeon hands."

"And I'm sure that Beckett would appreciate that. Only I don't think it's going to be a problem anymore," Castle announced, patting himself on the back that there was not a whiff of smugness in his voice.

"How'd you know?" "Did they break up?" the boys asked simultaneously.

"Because I was there and yes, are the answers to your questions. Now much as I'd like to stay and gossip with you girls, my partner needs me, so…" He got up, smiled at each of the detectives in turn, and then hurried off to the break room before they could question him any further.

* * *

Gently, he knocked on the partially open door. "Okay if I come in?" he asked, waving his white handkerchief into the gap.

Kate had her back to him, one arm wrapped tightly across her middle as she faced the window. "Suit yourself."

He softened his voice. "Hey. You okay?"

"What did Sonny and Cher want?"

"Uh…nothing."

"Nothing?"

Castle frowned, shook his head and shrugged even though Kate still couldn't see him. "I'm not sure. They didn't get that far."

"So then what were you talking about?"

He cleared his throat and looked at the floor. "Uh…you, actually."

Kate spun round to stare at him. " _Me?_ "

"Yeah. They…they guessed that Josh pulled some kind of disappearing act last night and—"

Kate growled and rolled her eyes. "Great. Now everyone knows I'm undateable."

Her declaration was so ridiculous that he wanted to laugh, but for the look on her face he managed to hold it to a grin. "Beckett, you're far from undateable."

"So then why didn't you come up for coffee last night?"

Castle took a deep breath and tried his hardest to sound reasonable. "Because for once in my life I was trying to do the right thing."

Her voice rose, the sound travelling. "In what _universe?_ "

"In the universe that says people need time to get over a break-up. I'm pretty sure there's even some kind of handbook full of rules." He sighed and shifted his feet. "Look, Beckett, the guy showed up at the restaurant you were supposed to have dinner in. If that's not—"

"Because Kelly called," Kate cut in, shutting him down. "He wasn't looking for me, Castle. Kelly called and he came running, okay."

Castle closed his eyes. "I'm sorry. That must've hurt."

"Actually, it didn't. But you're the only one who doesn't want to believe that."

"Beckett, you should really take some time. You guys were together for months…"

She dumped her coffee into the sink, tossed the cup in the trash and threw up her hands. "Fine. I can't force you. But just so we're clear. I'm not single anymore either."

What had been warm between them last night had not turned cold in the harsh light of day or in the face of this spiky exchange of words. If anything it burned far brighter now; ablaze with a scalding hot phosphorescence that had the power to wound, to burn, to maim. And for his sins, Richard Castle was drawn to it with a ferocity that had the potential to end badly for him. Against his better judgment, he wanted so fiercely to give in.

* * *

As Kate pushed through the break room door she almost ran into Ryan and Esposito who seemed to be hovering outside.

"Beckett's seeing someone new already?" Ryan asked Castle, following his boss' retreating back with more than a casual interest.

"That was fast. Go, chica!" Esposito declared, fist bumping his partner.

Castle shook his head in displeasure. "Are you guys like professional snoops or something?" Then he looked around. "Or is this room bugged?"

"Who? Us?" the boys asked in sync, trying and failing to feign innocence.

"Did your mothers never teach you that it's rude to—" But Castle threw his hands in the air and gave up. "You know what, never mind. My mother eavesdrops all the time." Besides, he had more important things to do than argue back and forth with Sonny and Cher.

He caught up with her over by the elevator. "Beckett! Kate, wait up."

The doors slid open, the car was empty, and so they both got in. "Can we talk? I mean, if you have time."

She leaned against the back wall, her expression one of disappointment and resignation. "Look, I have a lot of paperwork to get through today."

He backed off immediately, hands raised. "Right. Of course. The case."

"Yeah." Kate looked at the floor. "D.A.'s Office needs my files before the arraignment."

Once again the silence between them was deafening, save for the clank and hum of the old elevator cables.

The car sank relentlessly towards the ground, and Castle was still scrabbling around for words when Kate threw him a surprising lifeline.

"But…how about if we meet for drinks later. Somewhere neutral."

"We're not at war here, Kate," he was at pains to point out.

"I know. Just…pick somewhere quiet and text me the address, okay? I should really get back upstairs. I just stepped out for a breather."

"Okay. If you're sure you don't want company."

She smiled at him for the first time that morning, not happy but conciliatory at least. "I'll be done a lot quicker without the distraction," she said, reaching out to give his forearm a squeeze. "I'll see you later."

The writer smiled back, his chest easing with relief. "Look forward to it."

"Yeah. Me too."

And with that Castle stepped out into the noisy precinct lobby and Kate rode the elevator back up to Homicide. Only one thing was certain: it was going to be a really long day.

* * *

 _Thank you for hitching a ride with me. :)_


	5. Chapter 5

My Sunny Valentine

Chapter 5

Castle spent the day in listless motion, wishing he had ten dollars for every time he sneaked another glance at the clock. He surfed Zagat's list of ' _10 Hottest NYC Bars'_ trawling for the perfect venue: some romantic little place that had slipped his mind or better still, somewhere neither of them had ever been before; that 'neutral' ground of Kate's instruction.

After forty minutes, he came up for air, empty-handed and slightly panicked.

When the loft felt too confining for his boundless, nervous energy, he headed out to his barber for a trim, a hot shave and a shoeshine. In the past, Tony Carafiello's tiny NoLita shop had offered a refuge when words escaped him and he needed the company of working men and their random, idle chatter to calm the panicked voice inside his head telling him that he'd never write another successful sentence. Today felt a lot like that, with so much riding on selecting a meeting place for his heart-to-heart with Kate. Because that was what he had determined it would be. He would be honest and in turn he would ask the same of her. They'd both declared themselves single, but he needed to hear more than that. Josh appeared to be gone, and if he was gone for good, as Kate insisted, then they needed a plan, some mark of intention on both sides for the day not too far off when the dust of her dead relationship had settled and they might begin something new.

He came home and made a sandwich, a thoughtless effort concocted from trimmings he found in the fridge. He ate half while he surfed _Grub Street_ , _New York Magazine's_ food and restaurant blog, looking for inspiration. If things went well, he'd take her out to dinner. If things went well, his life was about to change. The import of that thought wasn't lost on him. His stomach refused the rest of his sandwich on account of his growing anxiety.

Finally, a list entitled ' _The Absolute Best Downtown Date Bar'_ threw up _Slowly Shirley_ , a dark little basement spot on the edge of the West Village _._ Castle had never been before, but the photos looked perfect and the relative proximity to the precinct meant it wouldn't take Kate long to get there after work. If she asked him how he found it, he'd just have to come up with a convincing story that didn't involve trawling lists of romantic date locations online.

Around three, he showered, but then he decided against different clothes, deeming it unfair to Kate since she'd be coming straight from the precinct and wouldn't have a chance to change.

He texted her at around five. After several failed attempts at the right tone or wording for his message he went with simple – strictly no kisses and no emojis.

 _Text me when you're ready to leave and I'll meet you at Slowly Shirley, 121 W10th at Greenwich Av. Rick._

He signed off with his first name after ten minutes of intense debate. He hoped it set the tone he was looking to achieve – off-duty, personal, nothing to do with work anymore beyond how they met. Just a guy and a girl who were no longer single but hadn't yet nudged things over the line meeting up to figure out how to do just that.

He so badly wanted to do that, but every time he pictured kissing her he'd see Josh's face in the men's room when he said, _"Would you jump in my grave so fast?"_ and the whole thing felt sullied, like they were actually cheating on someone.

He was combing his hair when her text pinged back and he nearly dropped his phone in the sink trying to get to it.

 _Ah, Slowly, slowly catchy monkey. ;) Can be there just after six. Looking forward to it. K_

He read and reread her playful message, parsing the text for meaning. Did the "Ah" indicate that she'd been to _Slowly Shirley_ before? If she had, hopefully it wasn't with Josh. That would kill the mood completely. Eventually, Castle growled at himself and threw the phone on the bed, sick of being trapped inside his own head for so long, worrying the whole business to death.

By five-thirty, feeling chronically cooped up, he locked his front door and headed out to take a deliberately slow walk to the bar. He headed up Crosby Street for a block and then cut left onto Spring, where he carried on until it intersected with 6th Avenue. If he stuck to Sixth it would eventually lead him almost right to the door of the basement bar. He could switch his brain off, let the relentless hum of one-way traffic be his accompanying soundtrack as he stared into the windows of all the restaurants, nail salons, dry cleaners, chain stores and bars he'd pass on his way uptown.

* * *

He reached _Slowly Shirley_ just before six and quickly hurried inside. The basement bar had a rich, secretive feel about it mostly created by the authentic art deco interior. It was a throwback to a more romantic time, moodily dark and with oxblood leather banquettes that felt sinful and luxurious. He congratulated himself on choosing well. Though he'd have felt quite comfortable sitting at the bar on any normal day, he guessed a booth would make for a better space in which to talk. But he was only halfway through ordering a gin and tonic from the bartender when the door opened and Kate walked in. From the smirk on her face, he was pretty sure that his jaw had actually dropped this time.

"Hey," she smiled broadly and easily, walking up to him and greeting him with a surprise kiss on the cheek that struck him dumb. She leaned in close and squeezed his arm, peering at the drink the barman was just sliding towards him. He could smell her perfume. It was all a little overwhelming.

"What are you having?" she asked, oblivious to his temporary inability to form words.

She seemed so natural, so at ease that it threw him even further. That quiet moment over a G&T that he had planned to take the edge off his nerves and get his head together had just evaporated. He fought his bedazzlement. "You're…early."

"Ma'am, what can I get you?" asked the bartender, helpfully smothering Castle's blundering decent into incoherence with a muted display of natural charm.

"Uh…" She scanned the shelves of attractively backlit liquor bottles lined up behind the bar. "Actually, a glass of Riesling would be good," she told the barman as she took off her leather jacket and claimed the stool opposite Castle.

"You don't want a booth?" he asked, further disconcerted by the fact that she wanted to sit up here with him at the bar in full view of the rest of the patrons. That wasn't in his plan.

"No. This is good. Are you okay?" she frowned a little, tilting her head to one side.

His gaze flickered over her body. "You changed."

Kate looked down at her purple silk shirt and black jeans. "Top marks for observation."

Castle frowned. "So…you had time to go home?"

"No. I finished early. Paperwork's all gone over to Centre Street." She nodded. "But I had a change of clothes in my locker…so…no need."

"I thought you kept some sweats and a pair of old sneakers in your locker."

"That too."

"How _big_ is your locker?"

Kate laughed at her partner's sudden strange preoccupation with precinct storage. "Castle, are you sure you're okay? You seem…jumpy. How much coffee did you have today?"

He downed half of his gin and nodded to the barman to set him up with another one. "No, not enough of this."

"You look like you're here to be handed down a life sentence."

If only, he thought to himself. Sentenced to a lifetime with Kate Beckett: his idea of nirvana. "Don't be silly," he said instead, his play off utterly unconvincing.

"Honestly, I can't get a read on you these days," Kate sighed, thanking the bartender as he placed her glass of wine on a napkin and told her to enjoy before moving away to a discreet distance, well out of earshot.

They clinked glasses, smiling shyly at one another as, all of a sudden, the atmosphere and the dimly lit interior of the dark bar reminded them why they were there. Other couples began to arrive, mostly men and women in suits meeting up for a post-work drink with a partner or a spouse. That this was a date venue for romantically involved couples could not have been made clearer when one amorous duo took up residence in a corner booth and began kissing and touching one another in a way that seemed far from decent at this early hour and when still this sober.

Kate caught Castle staring and she lightly kicked his foot with the toe of her high-heeled boot. "Don't be a prude," she whispered, flashing her eyes at him flirtatiously.

Castle coughed on a throat full of fizzy tonic. "Me? A prude? First time I've ever been called that."

"You were judging them."

"No, I was—" He stopped and smiled guiltily. She had caught him.

"Judging," Kate mouthed, her eyes still dancing with glorious humor.

"This place is gorgeous. Have you been here before?" she asked, admiring the intricate, monochrome pattern on the tiled floor and the 1920's sconce lights lining the walls.

"Nope. First time."

"How'd you find it?" Kate asked, the question he'd had no time to prepare a fudge of the truth for.

"Um…online," he answered, which wasn't a lie.

"Hmm. I sense a story. Spill," she said, smiling mischievously as she swirled her wine around the voluptuous curves of the glass.

Castle made a dismissive sound and zeroed in on his second G&T, hoping in vain that the crack of ice cubes would distract her.

"Come on. Don't be evasive. I've been stuck with paperwork all day. Share some real life adventure with me," she begged him with a playfulness that was rare for Kate Beckett.

The jazz playing in the background should have been soothing but it seemed to fall in step with Castle's heartbeat and make him feel a little tachycardic.

"Kate, come on. I sat at my desk and surfed a few websites. There wasn't much more to it."

"Oh, but there must have been. I can tell when you're lying."

He looked down at his lap, his expression a little sheepish. "Okay, look, I found it on a list of date bars," he admitted in a quieter than normal voice.

Kate cupped her hand to her ear. "Sorry, what was that? You spent the day surfing _date_ venues?"

Castle blustered, "I did not spend my day—"

But then he heard her laughing and he waved the rest of his denial away.  
"You're choosing next time," he told her. "See how you like the responsibility."

"Challenge accepted," she answered boldly.

* * *

And just like that they had fallen into flirting, all too easily, and they hadn't even talked yet. Nothing had been set straight or laid out. Castle needed to find a way to get things back on track before he got too drunk to hold onto a thought or his nerves and his deep enjoyment of her company made him let the topic go altogether. He wanted more than anything to clear the air so they could move forward.

He put his highball glass down on the bar and cleared his throat. "So…I guess we should get down to business."

Did I really just say that, he mentally yelled at himself before the words were even halfway out of his mouth.

Kate's eyebrows shot up as she swallowed a mouthful of wine. "Business? Wow…that's…and you picked such a romantic spot too."

Castle visibly cringed. "I…I'm sorry. I didn't mean to…"

He'd confused her by being so adult about all of this. She thought he'd be crowing now that Josh was gone; she thought he'd be beating a path to her door, he imagined. That he wasn't had surprised her. Turned out she wasn't the only one with hidden depths. She wasn't the only onion left to peel. He could see all of this in the look on her face – the disappointment, confusion and some hurt. So he wasn't surprised when Kate began to complain about the mixed signals she'd been getting.

"I thought you wanted this?" she said, getting down to the heart of things far more abruptly and adroitly, let's be honest, than Castle had managed.

At a stroke, the gloves were off.

"Then why did you keep seeing someone else?" he asked, landing a punch just as cleanly as she had.

Kate bit her lip.

"What was it? You knew, except you weren't interested until you got dumped. Is that it?"

He realized that sounded harsh but he had to understand what was going on inside her head. A boyfriend one minute, and then he was gone like a bad dream and Castle was being pursued in the next.

"I was the one who did the dumping if we're going to be accurate. But since you were listening out in the hallway you'd know that already."

The playfulness was gone. He wanted it back, but they'd have to fight for it first.

"I guess I'm questioning what I've seen and what I'm hearing now."

She looked unsettled by his ability to hold back and doubt her motives instead, when she was essentially offering him what he had long wanted. It wasn't like him to be so bold with her or to stand up for himself like this. Self-control wasn't exactly the first trait that came to mind when you thought of Richard Castle. Impulsive often took the top spot. She had seen a whole new side to him these last couple of days; a maturity and restraint that was becoming quite a turn on.

"I don't understand what it is with you," she said, deflecting from the detail for a moment.

"And I don't understand why you can't see my side? You're happy to date Josh when you know it's wrong for you, and yet you did nothing about it. Anyone could see that he wasn't there for you, Kate. So don't tell me you didn't know what was going on there. And the timing…"

Finally, she looked him in the eye. "Is that what you're so afraid of? That this is some rebound thing? You think you're a placeholder, hmm? A bed-warmer? Castle, I've been single plenty of times since we've been working together. I never needed you to fill a hole for me before."

He hears the unconscious dirty joke in her last statement but manages to ignore it for the call of something bigger. "But now you do?"

" _No."_ She was emphatic.

"Then what, Kate?"

Her eyes slid to the left, taking in the rest of the bar, and then back to his face. "We should get out of here. People are staring."

"What people? Let them look," he said, dismissively, without even checking for himself.

" _Castle_ ," she warned.

He made an attempt to placate. "Look, it's freezing outside. Let's just…lower our voices. Come on. We can be civilized about this. We might even get somewhere for once."

He watched her watching him for a quiet moment and then she rolled her eyes. He relaxed. She was giving in. He knew all of her tells. "Fine. You wanna know why I stuck with Josh?"

"Please."

She forced out a long, slow breath and then she straightened up, shook her hair out over her shoulders, took a slow sip of wine and looked somewhere over Castle's right ear to begin.

"This doesn't put me in the best light," she preempted, smoothing her hands down over her jeans.

"Beckett, I think we're past that."

Out of excuses, she started to explain. "Okay, okay. I don't know, I guess Josh was…undemanding and…uncomplicated. I mean I liked him. But we just…we coasted along. He never asked too much of me." She paused and frowned, like she was thinking hard, reaching for a thought. "It…it was like…like having a gun but always keeping the safety on. That's the best analogy I can come up with. Nothing transformative ever happened."

"Sounds romantic," Castle muttered.

"What I mean is...I didn't have to make life-changing decisions with him around. He required no accommodation at all in fact. Except for his dislike of my relationship with you, life carried on as before."

Kate paused and took a sip of her wine. Castle felt his impatience grow from seed to sapling.

" _And_ …" he coached her to continue.

Now she looked slightly uncomfortable, but she braved her own embarrassment to tell him the truth. " _And_ I've always known that…that things would be different with you. There's a lot you wouldn't let me get away with."

She risked a look at his face but got nothing but blank patience to work off. She cleared her throat, suddenly nervous.

"The way you live your life…it's…you live all of it, every part…work, family, relationships…you embrace life, Castle. You squeeze every ounce out of it, and that— It scares me." She looked down at her lap, at her twisted fingers and then back up at his face, inwardly wincing at the anguish she now saw in his eyes. "So I kept you at arm's length. I wasn't ready to go all in."

"And now you think you…what?" His self-control was astonishing.

"And now you and I are sitting in a bar arguing about why I want us to move forward and why you're now the one holding back. For us, I'd say that's progress."

Her voice ended on a lighter note, but Castle's remained serious. "I've been hurt before."

"Meredith?"

He nodded. "It's no secret. So I'm a little gun shy when…when there's someone in my life who really matters."

"This isn't a rebound thing," she insisted again, trying to pour what it would mean to her into her eyes, the way they softened on his face, how close they were to getting what they both knew they wanted.

"I'm hearing that. But for me, Kate, it…it feels like _everything._ And if that scares you or you need time then…"

"It does." Castle's head shot up but Kate held up her hand to indicate that there was more, she wasn't finished. "It does scare me but then it should. _Everything?_ That's a big idea to live up to. Besides, your mom and Alexis would hunt me down if I hurt you. And I might have a gun but both of them scare me."

Castle didn't smile. He remained quiet, retracing the path of everything she'd just said. She seemed more certain of her own mind and more open with him than he thought he'd ever heard her be before. But still some doubt or his own fears nagged at the back of his brain.

Kate drained the last of her wine and pushed the empty glass across the bar.

"Do you want another drink?" Castle asked, wondering whether she'd had enough of open hearts and confessions for one day or if there was anymore left to say.

She leaned towards him, her expression earnest. "I want to _fix_ this. We both want the same thing, right?"

When he didn't reply she leaned in closer still. "Castle, do you want to start a relationship with me? Is that what you need me to ask? Because I'm tired of pretending that I'm okay with us just being friends. If you think this is because of Josh then you're wrong."

"But the timing—"

She gripped his elbow. "Forget the timing."

"It hasn't even been two days."

"And yet nearly three years for us."

"Not exactly how it looks. Or how it's felt for me."

Kate closed her eyes and made a noise of exasperation in the back of her throat. But then she opened her eyes again and her face had cleared. "Do you think I haven't been hurt, seeing you with other people?"

Finally the fight seemed to drain out of the writer and a new spark of curiosity lit in his eyes. This wasn't as new for her as he'd assumed, wanting them to begin something lasting.

"But that's in the past. I'm letting it go. Castle, I finally did what I needed to do. I cleared the path. You and I are long overdue. Now I know that's on me. I should have broken up with Josh a long time ago. You're right. I shouldn't have stayed with him when I knew I had feelings for you."

These words he was hearing her say should have made him cry with joy and relief, instead he found himself arguing back, his own hurt still so fresh, unable to let it go.

"So what took you so long?"

"Rick, I'm not proud of what I've done, but I've tried to explain why I did it."

"Because you were scared?"

Kate nodded, letting her shoulders drop because at last he seemed to be getting it. "You're not my backup plan. And I'm still scared that I'll disappoint you, but I seem to be hurting you more by holding back. You've seen what you get with me. You actually know me better than anyone ever has. So you know what a mess my head can be, the mistakes I make, and if you still want to get involved then…who am I to tell you that you shouldn't. You have your family for that."

She waited patiently for some reaction or an answer, even.

Eventually, he spoke, his voice calm and measured. "I want to say give me some time. That seems like the right thing to do."

"But?" She held her breath.

"But I've waited so long to get here, to be in this moment. Both of us single and clear-eyed enough to agree what's right in front of us…"

Kate leaned in and slipped her hand over his, her fingers insinuating themselves into the warmth of his palm. She squeezed gently. "Let me take you to dinner? We don't have to go from zero to sixty in two days, you're right."

Castle chuckled and his gaze flitted from the floor to their hands to her face. "I don't think there was ever a time you and I would have rated zero on any scale."

She smiled then, and it felt like the sun had just come out in that basement bar; it felt like a modern day miracle. "Still cocky, I like it."

Castle let go a bubble of laughter and his filter slipped. "Oh, you will," he grinned, and a blush colored his cheeks at his own boldness.

Kate's eyes widened. "Now there's the Castle I know," she paused, "…and love," she admitted, clasping his hand even tighter.

" _You_ …?" he stammered, eyes boring into hers looking for the truth, searching for any hidden meaning. "Me?" he whispered, tapping a finger against his chest.

Kate nodded calmly, though her heart was hammering, and something she saw in his face, some childlike insecurity commingled with his wondrous awe of her, made her eyes fill with tears. "Didn't you know?"

He shook his head, unable to form words lest an unmanly sound choke its way out.

"I knew," she admitted, stroking the back of his knuckles with her thumb. "I knew you loved me. It's true, isn't it?" she asked, though her question was redundant.

Castle let go a whoosh of air and then he turned to the bar to down the rest of his gin in one. Melted ice ran down his chin and skittered over the front of his shirt in droplets that glittered like diamonds until he shook them off.

"Dinner," Kate said quietly, giving him time to process. She slid down off her own stool, donning her leather jacket as she went before grabbing her partner's blazer and holding it out for him to slip into. The role reversals just kept on coming tonight.

Castle paid the barman and tipped him generously for his discretion.

"Can this be our place?" he asked, as they turned for the door that led to the stairs.

Kate paused, looking back to survey the art deco treasure he had found for them, and then she reached for his hand as she nodded. "Slowly Shirley." She tried out the name. "It does have a ring to it."

"Like a secret code." His eyes twinkled. Finally.

Kate smiled. "Yeah, this can be our place. I'd like that."

* * *

As they climbed the steps to the street, Castle took a deep breath and then he slipped his arm around his partner's shoulders. He'd have to let his old hurt go to move forward, and after tonight he understood that Kate was having to do the same. If she was no longer prepared for them to hold her back, neither could he. She was right: he loved her more than that.

He tucked her into his side, and when she let her head fall to his shoulder he kissed her hair and the ache in his chest began to ease.

"Let's go to Remy's," she said, "my treat."

"But the guys…"

"Will get over it," she promised, wrapping her arm around his waist. "Let's not waste any more time, Castle. I'm done waiting for my life to start."

And with another smile and those few words, she chased the winter night away. It felt like summer in February as they walked to Waverley Place and hailed a cab.

As the cab turned into Sixth Avenue, a lone, foil balloon affixed by a silver string bobbed from the spike of a metal railing. The shiny red heart, left over from Valentine's Day, seemed to nod in approval as they passed. Castle smiled out of the window at this welcome omen and then he closed his eyes as he felt Kate reach for his hand. He was still smiling when they entered Remy's and Ryan yelled at them from a booth in the corner.

Castle groaned.

"You ready for this?" Kate asked, her hand firmly gripping her partner's.

"Zero to hero, right?" Castle murmured in her ear.

"Now you're talking," she laughed, raising her free hand to wave to the boys and a wide-eyed Lanie, all busily squashing up in the booth the make room for them even as Castle turned back to face his partner.

"You were right before, can I just say, before they slaughter us?"

Kate, still smiling, frowned. "Right about what?"

"That I'm in love with you. I'm sorry I've put you through it the last couple of days."

"Hey," she said, softly, reaching up to caress his jaw with the tips of her fingers. "You wanted to be sure. It's okay. I understand."

"No, Kate, I was always sure. I wanted everything that's gone before never to have happened. But that's stupid and immature. We both have past lives, me especially. I shouldn't have punished you for that. I'm sorry. I'll make it up to you, I promise."

Kate tugged on his hand to draw him back behind the pillar near the entrance to the diner, giving them a little privacy. An elderly couple paying their check partially shielded them from the crowd. "Kiss me," she said urgently, gripping his lapels. "Kiss me now and all's forgiven."

Castle looked startled. "But what about…?" he asked, jerking his head towards their friends in the corner table.

"You think they don't know?" she laughed, amused by his belief that they could hide what they already were and what they were becoming from a group of detectives and one nosey-assed girlfriend.

"Fair point."

Her eyes sparkled. "So…are you going to kiss me or do I have to—"

Her last words were lost when his mouth claimed hers, roughly at first and then very quickly the kiss turned soft, slow and sweet as honey. They broke apart grinning and blushing to the sound of wolf whistles and catcalls bouncing around the diner as their own friends and even cops on other tables got in on the act.

"I thought you didn't like big gestures," Castle whispered, as he nuzzled his nose against hers and then finally kissed her cheek.

"I'm getting used to big. I get a feeling that's what's coming and I've decided not to fight it," she said as she let her hand fall to his ass and she gave it a squeeze. When she gave his body a suggestive once over and threw in a wink for good measure, another round of whistling finally broke their moment apart.

" _Kate Beckett!_ " Castle exclaimed, in mock shock, though what he really felt was pride and delight.

The smile she gave him ruled them all.

"Come on, Castle," she grinned, dragging him out into the heart of the restaurant so that they could join their friends for dinner. "Let's go face the music and then we can talk about how slow you want things to go."

* * *

His face ached all the way through dinner. He took Esposito's ribbing on the chin. He thanked Ryan for his warm congratulations, and with Kate pressed against his side and her hand on his thigh he even weathered Lanie's threats of torture if he ever hurt 'her girl.'

"I don't think I've ever seen you smile so much," Kate told him once they were alone on the street again in the chilly February air.

"Well, I hope you like it because I think there's a whole lot more smiling coming your way."

"Oh? Sounds promising."

Castle drew her to a stop once the restaurant was at least a block away.

"Kate, I don't want to force this and I don't want to look back anymore. Let's just put the past behind us and take things as they come, okay? No artificial timescales…just…I want to kiss you and see you smile, too. Does that sound okay?" he asked, tugging her to him by the front of her leather jacket to slow-kiss her as if they were dancing beneath the awning of a corner bodega with a thousand colorful flower heads all nodding in time on the breeze.

"Sounds perfect," she whispered, as her arms tightened around him. Her lips parted once more and her eyes slipped closed when his body pressed hard against her own and the past finally slipped free.

* * *

 _I have become addicted_

 _to the sound you make_

 _before you smile._

 _However slight,_

 _however secret,_

 _I ache for it_

 _every hour_

 _of every single_

 _day._

 _\- Tyler Knott Gregson -_

* * *

 _A/N: I wanted to end with this poem because as soon as I read it it reminded me of Castle and Beckett. If you're not familiar with Tyler's short poems and haikus I highly recommend them on Instagram. I hope you enjoyed this final chapter. I know it turned into something of a sap fest. My apologies. :) Thank you for reading and sharing your kind notes with me, for your company and your gratitude. Liv xx_


End file.
